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Thursday, September 4, 2008

Bring in the Aged P's: Republican National Convention Thursday night blogging

Update 8: ARGH -- Sara Palin's new theme song is Heart's "Barracuda." Why do you have to ruin everything, old elephant party, why?

Update 7 -- McCain talk: Whoa -- the green background is back. And did you see that vet with the big sign, "McCain Votes Against Vets"? Wow. Lots of protesters. And the response of the crowd: to chant "USA" loudly -- even over McCain's words.

Cue the "I knew Princess Di. And Cindy McCain is no Princess Di" comments.

Of Sarah Palin: "She's worked with her hands and nose." ?!?

McCain is coming across as way more nervous than Palin did.

This speech is nice enough as pablum. But it won't do the trick -- he seems old and out of touch, no matter what he says, because he's clearly not speaking to things he cares about, just reading the speech. Seriously, did he even practice?

"Where a bureaucrat will stand between you and your doctor," or a preacher between you and your lover, and a girdle between you and your vagina, and ...

If he got elected and kept speaking like this, I'd wish for him to croak and turn it over to Palin.

"I want schools to answer to parents and students" ?!? Maybe they can start teaching the classes, too.

Of course, Obama specifically indicated he'd accept drilling AND nuclear power.

LOL: On Alqaida "And they'll strike us again if they can. Iran ..." Over the Iranian border, perhaps?

I wonder if McCain has ever gone through his war experiences at such length for a political speech before.

Wow. Turns from a moving talk to "I don't think I was blessed and anointed by history..." Talk about stepping all over his earlier praise for Obama's campaign and its role in history.

And in fairness, he's allowing the cheers to step all over his closing.

Update 6 -- McCain Video: Awesome, they got Mannheim Steamroller to do the soundtrack!

Chilling: "John McCain's life was spared. Perhaps he had more to do."

"In Faiths of Our Fathers, John McCain's ghostwriter wrote ..."

Okay, I'm going to stop wisecracking. That video was terrible -- incoherent, badly produced, and boring. Whoever made it should never work again.

Update 5 -- I think the crowd is chanting "John McCain" -- but it sounds eerily like "Show Your Tits." Awkward?

Update 4 -- Cindy McCain: I think Cindy must be Susanne Summers' long-lost sister. What in the hell does "Operation Smile" have to do with McCain? And did they really have to go to Africa to find a black person willing to stand up and thank him?

Update 3 -- Cindy McCain video: Is there something creepy about Cindy McCain bringing home a pet Indian girl? I mean, that's how we found two cats, a dog, and a short-lived squirrel named "Spitz." The key -- she didn't consult John, but surprised him when she got off the plane. Because it's not like it's a real kid that needs, you know, a commitment from the father. And I'd love to see Cindy McCain "pull out her wrenches" and work on a race car.

Update 2 -- Terrorism Video: I'm watching the video of the 9/11 attacks with a fully slackened jaw. I can only demur to Michael Corleone: "Just when I thought I was out -- they keep pulling me back in!"

Update -- Brownback: McCain made history through his V.P. pick. It's a common refrain in the convention, but I don't get it. The dems nominated a woman thirty years ago. That was history -- this is only history for the Republican party. If the Republicans nominate a black man thirty years from now -- they won't make history, because the Democratic party already did.

Frist: "I remember health diplomacy -- the Shaivos were shocked AND awed." I'm not sure what the hell "health diplomacy" has to do with John McCain. The audience slept through the talk. I did, too.

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